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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Why I've been missing in action...

So, I am trying to figure out how I am going to tackle my goal of blogging about The Case for God. It is a more dense book than I expected, and I've been putting off posting despite the fact that I'm three chapters into the book. I definitely prefer my posts to be personal rather than scholarly, so the challenge for me will be to switch between the sides of my brain. I also don't want to get out of the habit of blogging, and I may just work on these posts "in the background" and post them later, and keep blogging about my other random thoughts in the meantime.

In the meantime, I enjoyed this cartoon about lighting Hanukkah candles and thought I would post it...

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Making my case for god....or not

Today I ordered The Case for God by Karen Armstrong, and I plan on blogging about it in detail in the weeks and months to come. I'm currently suspending my conversion plans, while I spend more time fleshing out my concept of God and religious practice. I always felt like I had a good idea of what my concept of the divine was, but I think that reading the "case" she makes for God and comparing it with will give me more direction.

I've written before about how much I love Karen Armstrong, and I can't believe it took me this long to finally get this book.

More to come...

Monday, December 5, 2011

I truly can't care any less....not capable

People always tell you the less you care, the more the guy seems to care. I always have wondered if that is a hard and fast rule. If anyone out there is a regular reader of this blog, you know that about 2-3 weeks ago I was bent out of shape over not really talking to my guy for 2 days. Here I am again, bent out of shape over another night not talking to him (with no advance notice or explanation).

My friends have said that they think it's so cute that we talk every day for a couple of hours. I think that when you're 2,500 miles apart, that's the only thing that fosters a real bond. Could that be why it bothers me so much when we don't get to talk?

Part of what bothers me the most is that I called, but never got a response. In fact, I was sent to voicemail after four rings three times. The logical part of my brain can think of reasons he couldn't get to the phone, or needed to concentrate on something, but common sense tells me that I deserve an explanation.

I refuse to accept the label that I am needy, the word some of the online advice columns have used to describe this behavior, which is, of course, most often exhibited by women. One male advice columnist says that calling a guy back and texting to follow up after he doesn't respond will make the guy feel that you are needy and turn him off of the relationship. You're supposed to move on, find things to do, and the guy notices your absence and then calls you. In the process he also learns that you are an independent woman that can stand on your own. Is this really true between two people who say they care about each other and are making plans to be together?

Am I a worrier? Yes. But I am far more likely to think something bad has happened to a person than to think they're up to no good. Unfortunately everything just escalates in my catastrophic imagination from that point. I get hurt feelings, I feel rejected, and spiral into seclusion thinking that I'm crazy.

I feel like I should take this guy's advice and let him call me back, but it doesn't feel natural to me to not try and contact him and keep our pattern of communication going. I can't help feeling hurt that he hasn't bothered to follow up with me yet either. I can't stop myself from caring that I haven't heard from him.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Making Progress

Great news!! I am down a dress size. I went to Marshall's to get gifts, when I saw a couple of things I couldn't pass up. I took them to the dressing room in my normal size (which was beginning to get too tight) and had to go back and get a smaller size.

To say that I am pumped doesn't even do it justice. I don't care about the scale as much, just the measurements !!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

World AIDS Day: Do Ask, Do Tell

It's been thirty years since a rare cancer was noticed in homosexual men, and on this World AIDS Day I think about the loss many people in my generation don't feel because they didn't see their friends dropping dead left and right. Neither did I for that matter, but I've done many things to inform myself of what happened back then, and I devoted several years of my life in service to the HIV/AIDS community both as a volunteer and employee.

Because I LOVE music and harbor a secret desire to be a transgender singing sensation, I always find myself imagining what the world would be like if AIDS had not taken Sylvester from us. I remember being a teenager and staying up late to watch HBO because that's when the more "mature" content came on. There was a clip of a troupe of drag queens in New York dancing to a song that I found so captivating, which turned out to be "You Make Me Feel Mighty Real". The image of them dancing freely and being themselves etched itself in my mind, and at the time I had no clue who sang the song.

Years later, I of course found out all about Sylvester and what happened to him, and in the process discovered other artists, such as Klaus Nomi, who were enormously creative and also taken from us by this dreaded disease. I can never imagine what it must have been like in those early days, but I am glad that I have taken the time to honor those who were around then and ask them for their story. My generation of GLBT folk benefits from what they went through and the pain they felt that sprung them into action.

Today I will celebrate those who have left us, be thankful for those who are still with us, and most of all, and honor those who have fought and are fighting this dreaded disease.

So, in celebration, here is one of my favorite clips of Sylvester

And here is a clip from Frontline: The Age of AIDS chronicling those early, early days. You can also watch the whole program online, and it is well worth it.

If you don't remember those days...ask somebody. If you do remember those days, don't let the rest of us forget.