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Monday, December 5, 2011

I truly can't care any less....not capable

People always tell you the less you care, the more the guy seems to care. I always have wondered if that is a hard and fast rule. If anyone out there is a regular reader of this blog, you know that about 2-3 weeks ago I was bent out of shape over not really talking to my guy for 2 days. Here I am again, bent out of shape over another night not talking to him (with no advance notice or explanation).

My friends have said that they think it's so cute that we talk every day for a couple of hours. I think that when you're 2,500 miles apart, that's the only thing that fosters a real bond. Could that be why it bothers me so much when we don't get to talk?

Part of what bothers me the most is that I called, but never got a response. In fact, I was sent to voicemail after four rings three times. The logical part of my brain can think of reasons he couldn't get to the phone, or needed to concentrate on something, but common sense tells me that I deserve an explanation.

I refuse to accept the label that I am needy, the word some of the online advice columns have used to describe this behavior, which is, of course, most often exhibited by women. One male advice columnist says that calling a guy back and texting to follow up after he doesn't respond will make the guy feel that you are needy and turn him off of the relationship. You're supposed to move on, find things to do, and the guy notices your absence and then calls you. In the process he also learns that you are an independent woman that can stand on your own. Is this really true between two people who say they care about each other and are making plans to be together?

Am I a worrier? Yes. But I am far more likely to think something bad has happened to a person than to think they're up to no good. Unfortunately everything just escalates in my catastrophic imagination from that point. I get hurt feelings, I feel rejected, and spiral into seclusion thinking that I'm crazy.

I feel like I should take this guy's advice and let him call me back, but it doesn't feel natural to me to not try and contact him and keep our pattern of communication going. I can't help feeling hurt that he hasn't bothered to follow up with me yet either. I can't stop myself from caring that I haven't heard from him.

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