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Monday, August 5, 2013

Oprah & Deepak 21 Day Meditation Challenge Reflections: Day 1 - Miraculous Journey

Today's Centering Thought: Today I am open to the presence of miracles

Question 1: What miracles have you already experienced in your life?
It has been a miracle to be who I am without any apologies. I have a loving family that supports me, great friends, and meaningful work. I couldn't have imagined at 22, when I started transitioning, that my life would eventually feel so normal.
I was so afraid of living a life that went against the grain. Afraid that my life's potential would be diminished just because I needed to live a personal truth that many people would find immoral, bizarre, trashy, and possibly even arduous.
I have been so lucky to be able to visualize something and have it come to fruition when people around me are perplexed and doubtful. I guess the biggest miracle I experienced was being born with a resilient spirit, and being shown how to make the best of everything.
Question 2: Make a list of the thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and the world around you that might be inhibiting your ability to see miracles in each day?
I believe that some people don't want to see me succeed because they are aware of my abilities.
I believe that some people think I won't succeed because they doubt my abilities.
I fear that I will never experience the open mind, heart, and loyalty that I have for my family and friends in an intimate relationship. I keep trying to accept that I will never have that relationship, but my spirit disavows that thought at a gut level. I fight this battle with myself.
I feel like I've made so many job changes that no one will hire me into a position that will sustain me financially and use my best assets and skills.
Question 3: What steps can you take to open yourself to the experience of miracles? Be very specific. I will know my worth, at work and at home.
I will stop living life with a disclaimer.
I will step up when I can do something and be noticed.
I will trust that what love I put out there will come for me in due time.
I will ask people how they think I block my blessings.
Journal: Please use this section to reflect on today's session
I recently have been trying to remember that giving is not the same as taking. Giving and receiving are simultaneous. It is the law of circulation. I want to open up myself to receiving in the knowledge that miracles can happen again, just as they have happened before.
I learned today that I have spent too much time focusing on what I don't have: money, a relationship, more fulfilling work. At the same time I feel like I also don't want to survive on crumbs, emotionally, financially, or professionally. It is a battle that is zapping my energy
I forget the miracles I have seen in my life and in other people's lives. I forget how many times things have come together mysteriously, and changed my life for the better.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

The band aid is gone...

After what felt like the ultimate heartbreak last year, I can face the uncertainty of love and romance without fear. No crying over missed phone calls, no compromising my needs and boundaries to become what someone else needs. I can peacefully play the game many have played before me and will play after me.

The wound I thought had destroyed me has opened me up. I can wait with baited breath, for the right one to come along, or for him to realize he has found me.

I finally know what I have to offer, and what I need in return, at least for now. But most of all I know how to listen, not to the cacophony of other wounded love warriors, but to the voice inside me, which resonates on one tone, that has gained its brilliance by absorbing energy from the light.

What I am seeking is seeking me...I must be patient and pay attention.