This evening I had a great conversation with a friend I had lost contact with years ago. We talked for quite a while and still could barely get off the phone.
It made me think about how much I've changed, or grown, over the past couple of years. I'm proud of the fact that when I reconnect with someone now and we vow to stay in contact, I can actually have faith that I will do that.
I used to accept friendships that didn't organically maintain themselves. If someone didn't ever return my phone calls, I would make excuses for them. I'd also give excuses when I didn't make time to maintain friendships.
Now I feel like a friendship is something that two people maintain. I do have friends who are very busy, who sometimes take a couple of days to get back to me. This never bothers me. I also realize that I don't have to feel guilty for letting go of friendships that no longer work.
I missed Tuneful Tuesday last week because I was doing laundry at my mother's and lost track of time. By the time I realized, it was already after midnight on Wednesday. It didn't seem right to do it then.
So my one and only follower, besides myself, suggested that I pick certain days for certain kinds of posts. She has "Music Monday", and I will have "Tuneful Tuesday".
I'm going to post two videos today, since I didn't get to post on Tuesday last week. This first video is the source of the title of my blog. I think it comes from a biography of Sarah Vaughan. In the beginning, someone is commenting on her artistry, and how when she sat at the piano, she could play "beautiful changes". To me, jazz, and life, have so much in common. Sometimes you play the melody as written, and sometimes you improvise over and through the changes. Even though this was originally a blog about learning jazz piano, I thought the title was still appropriate.
So here is video number one. I love this video because you rarely get to see a clip of her playing the piano.
The second video is of another one of my ALL TIME favorite singers, Leontyne Price. Whenever I hear this specific recording, of this specific aria, I seriously lose it. I can't even come up with words about how it affects me. Her voice is just so exquisite that I go through phases where I listen to this song REPEATEDLY, for days on end. I'm in one of those phases now, which is why I'm writing about this today.
So here it is, Tacea la notte placida from "Il Trovatore"
Now I just need to come up with a theme for Wednesdays . . .
Today I wrote the voice teacher I have selected requesting lessons. I hope it all works out.
Thursday I also let someone hear my singing clip that I posted here. Maybe it was the wine, but I felt especially open the other night. She had the same reaction as everyone else that has heard it. She liked it, yet she felt like it wasn't connected to breath.
At least I can trust my ear, to some extent, because I know that the sound isn't supported by the body. I just hope that lessons will help me get where I want to go.
I'm feeling awkward today about my revelation yesterday. Part of me wants to remove the clip from the site, yet the other part of me wants to commit.
Then I started thinking, maybe I should edit what I wrote. Can I call it my soul's purpose if the vocal isn't absolutely perfect? The thin resonance, tentative delivery, and lack of breath support have me itching to take it down.
I should have chosen the name TimidChanteuse instead of TimidIvoryTickler.
I do hold dear the belief that you must be willing to make fashion mistakes to develop your personal style. I'm trying to extend that philosophy to this endeavor. I'm exposing my voice in it's most vulnerable beginnings in hopes that I will eventually mold it into something better.
It is still out of my comfort zone, but I am hopeful.
While I was at the beauty salon I read an interview of Ellen Degeneres (by Katie Couric). The following part inspired me to write this blog today. KC: You’re a great role model, because you’ve stayed true to yourself. What advice would you give young women?
ED: Find out who you are and be that person. That’s what your soul was put on this earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth, and everything else will come.
I will confess my truth to the world on this blog. Unfortunately I think only one person actually reads my blog, but it's the thought that counts, right?
I have been working in secret for the past several years on what I believe my soul was put here to do. I want to be a cabaret singer. Not a world famous singer filling stadiums and walking red carpets. Just a person who gets up in front of a piano or a jazz trio and sings songs that show people who I am, and also who they are.
I put a clip on here of my singing. It definitely needs work and I plan on taking lessons this summer. But it's a start, and I feel comfortable enough doing it that I can get through my fear of taking lessons. I really have reached a point where I can't continue trying to teach myself how to sing, but this is how far I've gotten. I want the relief of letting the world know my truth, and I want to move forward living that truth. I am no longer satisfied with singing behind the four walls of my apartment.
