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Sunday, March 2, 2014

Purpose-Driven GPS

I'm laying here drifting in and out of sleep watching the Oscars. Without one ounce of envy for the trappings of fame, I had a truly aching moment where I felt as though I truly want my life, my presence, and my efforts to serve a purpose in someone else's life. I am surely not unique in this desire.

It actually came when Bette Midler was singing Wind Beneath My Wings. I thought to myself, who would sing that song to me, or at least feel that way about the place I had in their life. (Besides my mom, sister, or grandmother.) 

I want to know that my life was more than tending to my own biological and spiritual needs, and filling my financial needs with work. I chose to give my work some meaning by choosing the field of HIV/AIDS, so I do get some intrinsic benefit from that. I certainly don't want to seem like a complainer.

I don't even take this as a reason to despair, I see it more so as a signal from my inner GPS that I need to redirect. As I type I realize that there are probably stars and starlets sitting in that theater who hoped for or maybe even received a golden statue, yet are no closer to the feeling I'm searching for. Maybe they don't know who would sing that song for them either.

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